Why is it so?
by songoftheswans
Summary: Dean cannot stop thinking about Jo. This is one of the few times he allows himself to remember a special moment between them.


Why is it so?

A Dean/Jo fanfic by Natasha

12.19.12

Dean couldn't get her out of his head. He had tried so hard to. He would drink himself to the moon. He would put every bit of attention he had to Sammy, Cas, or the cases he went on. He would take long drives thinking about everything but her. He would even think about his mom, something he rarely did because of the memories it brought back into view. He would think about his father and ponder at what could have been if he was still around. He thought about Bobby, the only real parent he and Sammy ever had. About how he wished it was the other way around. That he was still here to call, to go over, unexpected, and still have somewhere to be. To have someone put him in line when Sam can't. To call him idjit for damn's sake. Just to be there. Dean would sit in the shower, with the water at freezing, and try to clear his head of everything. But he couldn't she always found a way back into his head. "Damnit Jo." He would mutter under his breath as a shiver passed through him like electricity does a wire. This time, Dean wasn't in the shower and most definitely was

not alone. He was sitting on the hood of his impala. Oh that beauty. It was the love of his life and that would never change. He and Sam had finished a job; a weird relative of Thor or something along those lines. Demons wanted that son of a bitch. But they didn't let anyone have the chance to take him. The job was done but both boys were in rough shape. Cuts and bruises everywhere. A black eye and a sore back. The sun was setting on the Minnesota sky and it caused a palette of colors to appear on the sky. Pinks and red, oranges and yellows, violets and blue. All blending together in some form or another. Clouds speckled the sky with dozens of different shapes. The light of the sun and the colors of the sky bounced off the magnificent puffs and created a glowing affect. Somehow, someway, all of that reminded Dean of Jo. He'd been lucky. For a little while, he managed to not think about her, but the sky's beauty managed to squeeze her into his mind. Her blonde hair, her pale, soft skin, the way her soft brown eyes bore into him and send tingles thought his body. Dean wishes he would have said something. Something before… he couldn't even think about it. But he wishes he would have told her more. He knew the way she felt about him. Dean sighed.

"What's wrong?" said a voice that seemed to come from the distance. It was Sam. Dean was pulled from his mind.

"Who says anything's wrong?" Dean answered with a slight snap that he immediately regretted.

"Well, you sighed. That either means you're tired, you're thinking about something, or you need something to eat. Wait. No. Cross out that last one. You'll definitely tell me if you're hungry. What's bothering you? We've been through this a thousand times. You can tell me." Sam insisted. Dean knows that he could tell Sam anything and most likely, he'll understand. But this was a different matter and if he told Sam, what would he think? How would he respond to Dean having feelings for a girl that was more like a sister to them than anything else. No. he couldn't tell him. Not this time.

"Oh, I don't know," Dean responded. "I woke up with this strange feeling. It's weird. I can't explain it. I guess, I don't know. I guess I'm just out of it, man." Dean looked to Sam, hoping with everything in

him that he would buy it. Sam watched Dean for any sign that what he told was false. When he found nothing, he nodded.

"Yeah. Yeah I get you. I've had that before." He responded. And that was that for a moment. The silence that formed between the two brothers was agonizingly long. A buzz began in Dean's ear.

"You wanna grab a burger or something?" Sam suggested, finally breaking the never ending silence.

"Oh god yes." Dean beamed. With that, the two brothers were off, back in the safe embrace of the black impala, driving down the darkened road, in the black of night to find a diner.

The two boys, back in the old motel room, rested on their beds. Dean let Sam pick something on the TV to watch. He regretted that completely now. He was stuck watching some weird nature thing. They were showing how moose mated and I couldn't help but think Sam as one of them. Damn Crowley. Sam eventually fell asleep during the

moose fun and left dean to think. He stole the remote and lowered the volume. Sam needed his rest. He had a feeling that his kid

brother hadn't slept well in a while. It reminded Dean of when Sam got out of hell soulless. Or when Cas tore down the important wall

in his head and had Lucifer to tag along with him for a while. God. He couldn't take seeing Sammy like that. He was dying. It was like he had been stabbed in the back again and this time wouldn't die. Dean blinked back salty tears. He looked over at Sam. His brother. The only thing he's ever really had. He seemed to be in a nice slumber and he was going to keep it like that for as long as he could. He looked back at the TV to see this time, squirrels. He rolled his eyes. All the animals that were associated with the two Winchesters. He watched silently for a moment as the squirrel collected his nuts. 'Ha,' Dean thought. 'collecting his nuts.' He doesn't know why he found that so funny. Jo would have snapped at him for doing that. Jo. Damnit. Not again. Dean sighed. Knowing that he wouldn't be able to

stop thinking about her, Dean let his mind bring forth the best memory he had of her.

It was a while after he and Sam had met Ellen and Jo, but way before the two of them ever sacrificed themselves for the boys. He and Sam

had finished a job (that's always how it starts. Job this, job that). Anyway, they ganked a small nest of bloodsuckers. Nasty basterds. The two of them finished off by the Roadhouse. Just a couple miles

off. They decided to stop by for a bit. Turned out though, they stayed for a couple days. They didn't do much. All they could do was help out in the bar. Give the other hunters some tips, that kind of thing. The first couple of days were rainy. Dark, windy, cloudy. But the last day, everything cleared up. The sky a brilliant blue. So bright and clear you could hardly look at it without straining your eyes. Dean stood outside in the cool breeze, leaning against the side of his impala. His back against the cold door, his arms crossed over his chest.

"Hey." Called a voice from a near distance. Jo. He looked over to my left. He saw Jo walking over. Blue jeans torn at the knees, grey v-neck covered mostly by a green jacket that complimented her eyes very well. "What are you doing out here alone?" she asked quizzically.

"Oh you know," HE started. "Just… standing here." 'Stupid. STUPID.' He thought. Just standing here. who in the hell says that?

"Well. Can I just stand here with you?" she asked. Her disarming smile made him melt a little inside. Why is it so? Why did she do that to him?

"You'll do it anyway won't you?" Dean questioned with a smirk. Jo walked over to the car and punched Dean in the arm with a laugh.

"HEEEY!" Dean chuckled. Jo laughed and leaned against the car just as dean was. She shoved her hands in her pockets and looked at her muddy red converse. Dean looked sideways at her with a small smile on his face. She straightened up at looked at him. Her elbow brushed his arm gingerly and sent tingles through him starting from the brush site. He blinked. His smile grew.

"What's that look for?" she asked. Dean hadn't noticed that he was staring at her and smiling like a fool.

"Sorry. I…I got lost in thought." Dean responded. His heart fluttered just a little as she looked at him.

"Lost in thought huh?" she replied. "What about?" dean couldn't tell her that he was thinking about her. About how light shone on her face creating a shadow on her left side. She was so beautiful.

"Oh nothing. Just- my mom. She loved days like these. After the storm. The smell of petrichor and wet grass. The blue, cloudless sky. It was her favorite. Just reminded me of her is all." Dean answered. It wasn't a complete lie. All he said was true. Except that it wasn't what he was thinking about.

"I'm sorry." Jo said quietly after a hesitation. "I didn't know. I wouldn't have said anything."

"No. it's ok. Really. My dad never really talked about her. It was too painful I guess. She was the love of his life. There would never be anyone else for him. I don't mind talking about her though. She's my

mom. She was a great, brave woman. I would never ask for anyone else to be my mom. Sam wasn't old enough to remember, but when she would put us to bed, she would sing us Hey Jude because it was her favorite Beetles song. Then, then she would tell us with such a soft, gentle voice, "angels are watching over you." Along with an I love

you, of course." He explained. Jo looked at him. Her brown eyes moist with tears. Her gaze almost soothing. "I never told anyone that." Dean said looking kindly at Jo.

"Well. I'm glad you told me." She said and she took Dean's rough, worn hand in her soft small one. It was almost entirely engulfed in his hand. Dean looked to the side and let out a sigh. It felt so nice to hold her hand. He never wanted to let it go. Dean looked back at her after a moment. She looked into his green eyes so kindly as if she

was telling him with her eyes 'it's ok. Don't worry. I'm here.' She gave him a small smile, looked to the sky and said, "it's your mom. This weather. It's her telling you that she's here. That she's watching you and that she loves you. You go, Mary." Jo looked back to Dean with a

wider smile now. And before he knew what was going on, Jo stood on her toes, leaned forward and places her soft, pink lips on his. For a moment he stood still but then he melted. Right into the ground. He put his hand gently on her small waist and kissed her back. He kissed her softly, fearing he would break her. She didn't seem to

mind. Dean smiled ever so slightly against the kiss. He wished it would go on forever. But it was cut short.

"Dean." Sam boomed from the bar. It broke the shy kiss just as fast as it started. They looked at each other for a moment. His hand still on her waist and her hand in his. Then, both released what they held.

"Out here, Sam." Dean called, never breaking eye contact from Jo. Sam came out and walked toward the impala.

"Hey, Jo." Sam said.

"Hey, Sam." She replied. "So uh. You guys heading out?"

"Yeah. Gotta go. More jobs you know? Saving people, hunting things-"

"The family business. Yeah. I know." Jo interrupted. "Guess I'll see you boys around." She smiled at the two of them, longer at Dean, and then walked off. Dean watched her walk lightly away. Until she was in the Roadhouse. He entered the car with Sam and they drove off. To the next motel. To the next job.

Dean didn't know what snapped him out of his trance, but he was out. He found himself wet with tears. He felt better though. "I'm sorry, Jo." He whispered. "you were taken too young. And it was my fault. I hope

you forgive me." Dean looked over at Sam who was still sleeping. He flipped off the TV, turned on his side, turned off the light and laid in the dark thinking, dreaming, of Jo.


End file.
